some jokes

I went to see the Nurse this morning for my annual check-up.
She said "I think you should stop w*nking."
I asked "why?"
She said "Because i'm trying to examine you."

An Irishman applying for a Blacksmiths job was asked if he had any experience shoeing horses. He said No, but he once told a donkey to f*ck off.

Man marries a deaf girl. He says "we must work out a code: If I want sex i'll stroke your Left Breast,
You reply by pulling my Penis ONCE for YES or 150 times for NO."


What did the Dwarf get for running through the womans legs?
A clit round the ear, a flap accross the face and a crack on the head!

I went to the gym today, and they've got this new machine in there.
I was on it for an hour and started to feel sick.
Its brilliant though, it does everything! Kits kats, mars bars, snickers................


NEW SCAM AT TESCOS
while in a parked car 2 young scantily clad girls come and wash your car with their t*ts hanging out then ask to be driven to the next shop as payment.
When they're in the car they both start stripping off and snogging and groping each other before one will climb in the front and perform oral sex while the other one steals your wallet.
be careful out there........
I had my wallet nicked last tuesday, wednesday,thursday, twice on friday and again on saturday